Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
