well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
