The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
