I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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