i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
