There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
