just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
