my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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