Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Did you pee in the oven last night??
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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