Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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