"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
