All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
