If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
