so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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