I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I need a beard to bite.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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