I think my fart just growled at me.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
