I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
