hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
