I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
