I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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