Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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