Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
