I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
