Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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