I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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