there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
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Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
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I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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