wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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