YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
