Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
