Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
