All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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