the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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