Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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