dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
