i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
