I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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