When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I could fuck to npr.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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