i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize