I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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