Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
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If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
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Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize