she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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