Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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