If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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