you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
