Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
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