break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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