dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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