How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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