I hate all girls vehemently.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
