Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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