I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Randomize
