I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
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You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
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Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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