Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I forget how to act sober
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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