Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
