my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
