thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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