dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
