dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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