Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize