guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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