apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
