3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
