theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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